Gimmie you Jerk
by drakonlily
Summary: It's an Aeris Sephiroth story, but don't expect much mush here. An older fic of mine, something fun and quick to read for the busy season. [Complete]


A/N: after digging around my computer, files, and webspace, I found a few early fics. This was done in about 45 minutes or so, started out as a joke that I could never write an Aeris/Sephiroth pairing. It's a nice quick read, really light hearted, so I figured it would be nice to read for the holidays. I dunno if it will make the cut to my new site, but here she is.

* * *

_**Gimmie You Jerk!**_

Aerith shivered as she climbed out of her watery resting place. It was cold, she was wet and tired. _I wonder if any of those odd houses have a place to make a fire and rest… _She asked the Planet for the strength to make it to the nearest house.

MEANWHILE...

Sephiroth somehow woke up very much sane. _What the hell just happened?_ He looked around his surroundings and suddenly he was struck with an odd thought. He had to find Aerith. He needed to at least see her grave. So off he went.

The thunder was starting to roll just as Aerith made her way into a house. By the grace of the Planet alone she had managed to make a fire. She figured she was alone, so she took off her sopping wet dress and hung it up to dry. She took the one blanket in the house and wrapped it over her thin shoulders. _Now what? How long have I been dead? I should go find the others; Cloud and Tifa will help me… I will go as soon as my clothes are dry_.

It began to pour down rain. _Ok then, as soon as the rain stops…

* * *

_

_Rain, perfect. I LOVE traipsing about in the bloody rain._ Sephiroth sighed as he reached the City of the Ancients. He spied smoke coming from a chimney and gave a sigh of relief. Well, now I can at least get dry… He quickened his pace to the building.

Aerith jumped as someone knocked on the door. _Who in the Planet can that be?_ "Jus--Just a moment…" She looked about for a weapon, and found a frying pan. She tied the blanket like a towel about her and moved to the door. Nervously she pushed it open, only to see…

Sephiroth!

He stood drenched from head to toe, his hand still lifted as if he were going to knock. There was a beautiful and sparsely clothed woman at the door. Her honey brown hair fell just into her smoldering, passionate, green eyes. He barely recognized her for who she was. _Holy, what a beauty…_ Just at that moment, he felt the last thing he expected as Aerith hit him square in the jaw with the frying pan.

Aerith stood looking down at the unconscious general. Her heart leapt in her chest. The thunder clapped over head and the rain came down harder. Taking a deep breath she grabbed Sephiroth by the heels and dragged him into the warm house. "So help me, I will bash your head in if you try to kill me again." She muttered 'accidentally' banging his head on the stoop.

ABOUT 30 MINUTES LATER…

Sephiroth awoke with the great-grandmother of all headaches. He sat up and looked over to Aerith. "Why in the name of Holy did you do that?" He asked as he realized how cold he was. _She looks warm with the blanket and the fire… _He then noted that he was missing his sword. "Where is it?" He demanded in a low and deadly tone.

"You mean that huge phallic symbol you impaled me on?" She huffed. "It's in the lake."

The silver haired man's mouth dropped open. "WOMAN! What in the hell were you thinking?!"

Aerith stood, frying pan in hand still. "Don't you call me woman, you sadistic jerk. I was thinking that you KILLED me with that damn thing!"

Sephiroth started to shiver from the cold. "Well, I wasn't going to do it again…"

"Right, I believe that." She sat back down and pulled the warm wool blanket closer around her.

He was still in shock about the loss of his Masamune. "You have NO idea how hard those are to find--"

"Stop griping."

Sephiroth's mako eyes narrowed. "Now I DO want to kill you again."

"I told you so." She looked him over with those green eyes; they were burning yes, but with a very deep hate, not with the passion he had thought. "You want your damn sword? Take a swim and get it; that water's freezing."

"It's a Masamune, not a damn sword, not a phallic symbol." He snarled at her.

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Look, woman I came all this way to pay my respects to you, I am freezing to death and all you do is insult me?"

"Well let me think about that…YES. Need I remind you that you stabbed me to death?"

"Will you let it GO already? You're alive, I'm alive, no harm done."

"You killed my boyfriend. Check that, boyFRIENDS. BOTH of them."

Sephiroth thought about that for a moment. He remembered killing both Zax and Tseng now that he thought about it. _Oh yeah, I did…Hmmm she's single then… _"I am still freezing."

She looked over her shoulder at him disdainfully. "This is the only blanket."

Sephiroth didn't fail to note that her wet clothing was hanging up to dry. His silver eyebrow arched. "Really?"

The glare she sent him could have chilled Ifrit's mouth. She pulled the huge, king sized blanket around her. "No room for psycho killers."

"I'm a sane killer at the moment." He tried to placate her as he felt the bump on his jaw with a cold hand. "And a very cold one as well." He stood up, slightly woozy from the cold and his head wound. He began to take off his wet clothes.

"What are you doing?" She asked, holding a deceptively delicate-looking hand to her mouth.

"What does it look like I'm doing, woman?" He hung his jacket and his pants up next to Aerith's dress. "I am frozen." He yanked at the blanket. "Give."

Aerith was spun out of the blanket and landed in just her bra and underwear. "YOU JERK!" She snapped, snatching the other end. "Find your own."

"You could actually be nice and share." He offered with a yank.

"You could go to hell," she replied yanking back

15 MINUTES LATER…

Back and forth they pulled on the poor old blanket, Sephiroth in very wet boxers and Aerith in her almost dry unmentionables. "I THOUGHT you were a nice person! All sacrifice to the planet." Sephiroth growled.

"I am a nice person. To people that HAVEN'T killed me!" She let out a frustrated noise. "Gimmie you jerk!"

"This is ridiculous! It's plenty big enough, you could share."

They glared at each other over the blanket, both still freezing and neither one really wanting the other's company. Aerith found herself getting very tired. "I don't trust you."

"Of course you don't." Sephiroth snapped, "Honestly I don't blame you, but we are BOTH gong to freeze to death."

"Apologize."

"What?" He asked as though she had requested the most ridiculous thing ever imaginable.

"You heard me, you jerk."

"Stop calling me jerk, woman!"

"Stop calling me woman, jerk!"

"Woman!"

"Jerk!"

"Fine! Have it your way! I'm sorry!" He snapped, in the height of frustration.

"You don't sound it."

"I'm not. In FACT at this very moment, I wish that I could have killed the lot of you and THEN maybe I wouldn't be freezing!"

"Sit on the fire then," she gave a hard yank freeing the blanket from Sephiroth's hold. Aerith then wrapped herself up tightly and sat on the bed.

"Damnit woman!" He felt very childish, fighting with her over a blanket like this. "This really is juvenile. I could have killed you by now, but I haven't! Doesn't that prove anything?"

"Actually no," she mumbled from her wrappings

"What will then?" He plopped down cross-legged, his back to the fire. _At least this is warm._

She pretended to think about it for a long while. "I know!"

Sephiroth felt hopeful. "Good, it's about time. What?"

"Let ME stab YOU in the back with a huge phallic symbol."

"WOMAN! How many times do I have to- That is IT." He jumped up and grabbed at the blanket again, pulling them both to the floor. The blanket crumpled around them. "Get off of me!" he huffed, pushing her over.

"GODS, you are such a jerk." She gave in and let him under the wool. "I never hated a soul before you came along."

"I'm flattered." He tried to ignore that her warm body was next to his. "I have never been this utterly humiliated if it makes you feel better."

TWO HOURS LATER…

"Jerk."

"Woman."

FINALLY…

Aerith felt herself nod off to sleep as the fire began to die. She let herself lean into the nearly asleep general. "Night, jerk."

Sephiroth sighed, not as mad as he thought he should be. "Night, woman."


End file.
